Ten Minutes With Santa Claus
A global celebrity
Santa Claus is known around the world by at least 17 other monikers: Weihnachtsmann (Christmasman) in Germany; Ded Moroz (Grandfather Frost) in Russia; and Hoteisosho (a god who bears gifts) in Japan, to name a few. Santa is a global celebrity who works hard to keep the paparazzi at bay. So we were honored when he agreed to sit down for an exclusive. This is a man who inspires joy, love, and peace around the world. And delivers presents to children everywhere in one epic Christmas Eve sleigh ride.
It’s almost game day, Santa. How are you feeling—excited, anxious? Yes and yes. Every year we wonder how we’ll get all the toys ready in time, never mind deliver them! And every year, there are more children on my list. But we’ve taken on extra elves, made some critical updates in our Christmas gift-giving software, and adopted a new and improved navigation system. I can’t wait!
So you embrace technology? Absolutely! We could never keep up without it. Not a big fan of drones, though. The last few years we’ve had a couple of really close calls with kids goofing around on Christmas Eve, trying to get footage of Santa’s sleigh to upload to YouTube. Can you imagine what would happen if a drone got caught in the reindeers’ harness? That could literally derail Christmas. Those kids’ names will definitely be on the Naughty List.
Do you ever get the reindeers’ names mixed up? Ho ho ho! I plead the Fifth. Between you and me, Mrs. Claus never has that problem because she calls every-one “Dear.” Smart woman. That’s why I married her.
Not to be indelicate, Santa, but your BMI is getting up there. Any pressure to embrace a healthier lifestyle? Well, I’ve always had a husky frame. Even as a boy, I was thick—they called me St. Nick the Brick. In my defense, a lot of what you see here [Santa pats his belly, and it really does resemble a bowl full of jelly] is layers of thermal underwear to keep me warm. Mrs. Claus gave me a rowing machine and I have pledged to, ahem, embrace a healthier lifestyle in the New Year.
So, Santa, our readers will want to know your thoughts on Fairfield. I’m extremely fond of the children of Fairfield. Very generous in their food and clothing drives, always volunteering, and for the most part, making their beds and doing their homework. Though I’ve got my eye on a few who need shaping up. I always enjoy seeing the lights on the beautiful Christmas tree on your town-hall green as I make my way into your fine town.
How do you deliver presents to half a billion kids in one night? It defies all logic. You don’t really want to spoil the magic and the wonder of it all, do you? Besides, I don’t need Amazon, FedEx, or UPS stealing my trade secrets.
Best piece of advice, Santa? Believe in the good in people.
Worst piece of advice? Don’t worry about the chimneys. The soot will come off.
Personal philosophy? Whenever you have the opportunity to be generous, do so.
Hear, Hear! Thank you so much and wishing you a drone-free Christmas!