Jan 23, 2012
08:00 AM
Is He ‘Just Not That In To You’?
Image courtesy of Over40Dating.org
Do you ever feel like you just don’t understand the opposite sex? If you’ve recently re-entered the dating world, you know what I mean. With today’s hustle and bustle in the social media world and online dating, meeting Mr. Right can seem like a daunting task.
Ronnie Ann Ryan can help. As a dating coach for the last ten years, she has counseled both women and men on how to find the right relationship in mid-life or after a divorce.
On Tuesday, February 7th, Ryan, along with Andrea Hanson, co-founder of My Time for Me, has set up a panel of five single men in their late 40s to mid-50s to answer questions from women in the audience. They’ll tell you what men are really thinking about women and dating.
Why host an event like this in family-centric Fairfield? “Fairfield County is family-centric,” said Ryan, “but it’s also divorced. There are a lot of single parents who are looking for love.”
Nationwide statistics show that approximately one in every two marriages end in divorce. With a 50% chance of your marriage dissolving, finding romance has become the new obsession. That’s why Ryan reached out to Hanson to help sponsor the event.
“I thought the concept sounded really interesting,” said Hanson. “I think dating can be intimidating and this is a safe environment to ask questions.”
Hanson went on to say that it’s easier for some people to “get back on that horse” than others. It also depends on what you’re looking for.
“Are you looking for someone to go to dinner with,” Hanson queried, “or are you looking for someone to spend the rest of your life with?”
Ryan said that many people feel dating over 40 is more difficult and intimidating than in your 20s. Most people are still single in their 20s. But being over 40, it’s a different story. A fair number of the newly dating feel the good ones are already taken and the rest are slim pickings.
But, Ryan has had her own over 40 dating story. She spent her early years focused on career, friends, and family. She said she just didn’t put the time into meeting men, so she never met anyone special. By the time she hit 40 and realized she was no closer to being married, she decided to do something about it. She and her husband have been married for 11 years.
“You have to be willing to consider how [you’re] contributing to the situation,” she said.
Essentially, her point is the only one you can change is yourself. So if you don’t like where things are going, do something about it. And that’s where the panel of men comes in. “Sometimes, you just need to hear it from a guy.”
Ryan also counsels about getting too close, too soon. She said there are plenty of people out there looking for relationships just as there are plenty of people—both male and female—just looking to play the field and have fun. The trick is to not get your heart trampled on.
“I often get asked, ‘When should I have sex?’” she said. “I recommend waiting until you’ve seen some consistency. The more likely you are to attach, the more you should wait. He might call you; he might not. You don’t want to be devastated and heartbroken.”
The event, Ask Him: What Midlife Men Think About Dating, Love and Women, will be held on Tuesday, February 7th from 7:00 p.m. to 9:00 p.m. at Cinzano’s Restaurant at 1920 Black Rock Turnpike. The cost is $35 per person, $45 at the door. The price includes one glass of wine and light fare. Check out Ryan’s web site for more information.
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